THE DOOR OPENS A LITTLE.

LEAENA: (within) Step out quietly, Planesium dearie, and don’t let the door rattle or the hinges grate, or master will find out what we’re doing here. Wait. I’ll pour a little water on them. (she does so)

PALINURUS: (aside to Phaedromus) See how the doddering old thing plays the doctor? She has jolly well learned to drink the undiluted wine herself, and gives the door the water to drink.

ENTER Planesium INTO DOORWAY.

PLANESIUM: (softly, looking about) Where are you, you who have cited me to the court of Venus? I produce myself in answer to the summons, and beg you likewise to produce yourself.

PHAEDROMUS: (fondly) Here! Ah, honey mine, if I defaulted, I should not protest against its going hard with me.

PLANESIUM: (coyly) Darling, it’s not nice to have one’s sweetheart keep his distance.

PHAEDROMUS: (enraptured) Oh, Palinurus, Palinurus!

PALINURUS: Speak out. What are you calling Palinurus for?

PHAEDROMUS: She’s delicious!

PALINURUS: (sour) Too delicious.

PHAEDROMUS: Oh, I’m a god!

PALINURUS: You aren’t, you’re a man, of precious poor quality.

PHAEDROMUS: What did you ever see, what will you ever see, more comparable to the gods than I am?

PALINURUS: You’re in a bad way, I see that, and I’m sorry for it.

PHAEDROMUS: (angry) And you fall in with my humour badly! Silence!

PALINURUS: (cowed, changing his tone) A chap that sees his sweetheart, sir, and doesn’t use his chance, is a self-tormentor.

PHAEDROMUS: (to Planesium) A just rebuke! There’s surely nothing I’ve been craving for more this long time.

PLANESIUM: Well then, take me, hug me!

PHAEDROMUS: (doing so, heartily) This, this, is what makes me crave to live. Now that your master keeps you from me, I have you secretly.

PLANESIUM: Keep me from you? He can not, he shall not keep me from you, unless death deprives you of my heart.

PALINURUS: (aside) My word! I can’t help calling master a fool. Why, a little love of a sane sort is all right, not the insane sort, though. But to go absolutely insane in a love affair–that’s what my master is doing!

PHAEDROMUS: Let kings keep their kingdoms, rich men their riches; let them keep their honours, their feats of arms, their fights, their battles! Provided they cast no envious eye on me, let every man keep what is his.

PALINURUS: See here, sir! Did you vow to keep vigil all night in honour of Venus? Why, good Lord, day will be dawning before long now!

PHAEDROMUS: Hush, hush!

PALINURUS: Hush, eh? Why don’t you go to sleep?

PHAEDROMUS: (still embracing Planesium) I am asleep. Stop bawling.

PALINURUS: You asleep? You’re wide awake.

PHAEDROMUS: No, I am asleep in a fashion of my own. This is slumber for me. (clasps Planesium more closely)

PALINURUS: (to Planesium) I say, young lady, it’s silly to harm a man that hasn’t harmed you.

PLANESIUM: (nestling closer) You would be angry if your master here drove you away from your food while you were eating.

PALINURUS: (in helpless disgust) It’s no use. I see they’re both alike, dying of love, both insane. D’ye see how they’re working, poor things? They can’t hug hard enough! Come, break away, will you?

PLANESIUM: (sighing) No human blessing lasts for ever; here this pleasure of ours has had this pest (pointing to Palinurus) stuck on to it!

PALINURUS: (indignant) What’s that, you slut? You call me a pest–you, with your owl eyes? You tipsy thing! You worthless little fright!

PHAEDROMUS: You to revile my Venus, you? (to Planesium) The idea of his putting in his oar, the whip-fodder of a slave! (to Palinurus) Now by the Lord, if I don’t make you writhe for that language! (cuffing him) There! Take that for your abuse and see if you can control your tongue!

PALINURUS: (getting behind Planesium) Help, help, Venus of the owl . . . er . . . all-night vigils!

PHAEDROMUS: (advancing upon him) Eh? Still at it, you scoundrel?

PLANESIUM: (holding his arm) Now, now, dear, don’t strike a stone, or you’ll bruise your hand!

PALINURUS: It’s scandalous, sir, it’s perfectly outrageous the way you’re acting–to punch a man that gives you good advice, and make love to mere trash like her. Is this proper–to lose control of yourself in this incontinent fashion?

PHAEDROMUS: Bring me a lover that does control himself, and I’ll give you his weight in gold.

PALINURUS: Bring me a master that has some sense, and I’ll pay you his weight in brass.

PLANESIUM: (listening, then going toward door) Good-bye, good-bye, precious! I hear a sound and the grating of bolts; the sacristan is opening the temple. Oh tell me, how long shall we go on in this way? Will it always be stolen love?

PHAEDROMUS: Not a bit of it, for I sent a parasite to Caria three days ago to get some money. He’ll be back to-day

PLANESIUM: You deliberate too long.

PHAEDROMUS: So help me Venus, I will never let you stay in that house three days more; before that, I’ll give you the freedom that befits you!

PLANESIUM: See you remember. (throwing herself in his arms) One more sweet kiss before I go! (they kiss, lingeringly)

PHAEDROMUS: Oh Heaven! If I were offered a kingdom, never would I prefer to take it! When shall I see you ?

PLANESIUM: Ah! As for that, get me freed. If you love me, buy me. No prayers–pay, pay your way to victory! Good-bye, and God bless you!

[EXIT INTO HOUSE ]

PHAEDROMUS: (tragically) So soon am I left alone? But ‘twas a glorious death for me!

PALINURUS: Yes, and for me, dying as I am of pummeling and loss of sleep!

PHAEDROMUS: (turning to go) Come along.

[EXEUNT]