Leaena CRAWLS INTO THE DOORWAY.

LEAENA: (peering about, mumbling and sniffing) Ah, the sweet, sweet whiff of old wine that met my nostrils! It drew me out here in the dark, I love it so, I want it so! Wherever it is, it’s near me! (her nose close to the sill) Oh joy! I have it! Ah there, sweetheart mine, beauty of Bacchus! You’re old and I’m old, and how I want you! Why, the odour of all the essences is only bilge water compared with yours! You’re my myrrh, my cinnamon, my rose, my oil of saffron and cassia, my rarest perfume–you, you! Oh, to have my grave where you are poured! (anxiously) But it’s only my nose that’s been favoured so far by the scent–do gratify my gullet, too. (sniffing at the vine on the door sill discontentedly) No, my business is not with you. Where is the bowl itself? Oh, to touch you, bowl, to turn your liquor into me and swallow, swallow, swallow! (noses her way slowly toward Phaedromus) But it has run this way I’ll follow it up this way!

PHAEDROMUS: (aside to Palinurus) The old lady here is thirsty.

PALINURUS: (troubled) Not very, do you think?

PHAEDROMUS: Oh, nothing intemperate–six gallons will fill her.

PALINURUS: Good Lord, according to you, a whole vintage isn’t enough for this one old hag alone! (eyeing her irately) It’s a dog she ought to be by rights; she has a keen scent, anyway.

LEAENA: (turning and stopping) Bless your heart! whose voice is that in the distance?

PHAEDROMUS: (to Palinurus) I think I’d better hail her. Here goes.

(stepping forward) Back Leaena! About face!

LEAENA: (blinking) Who’s in command?

PHAEDROMUS: Lovely Bacchus, lord of liquor, who brings thy hawking, husky, half-dormant self some drink and will now proceed to allay thy thirst.

LEAENA: (peering about eagerly) How far away is he?

PHAEDROMUS: (waving his candle) Behold this light! (1•)

LEAENA: Come to me quick, then, double quick, for heaven’s sake!

PHAEDROMUS: (approaching) Good day to you.

LEAENA: Good? To me? When I’m all dried up for lack of a drink?

PHAEDROMUS: Well, you shall soon have one.

LEAENA: It’s a long time coming.

PHAEDROMUS: (handing her the bowl) There you are, sweet dame.

LEAENA: Bless you, you adorable man!

PALINURUS: (to Leaena, enviously) Come on, quick! Pour it into the pit! Hurry up and flush the sewer!

PHAEDROMUS: Silence! No rough talk to her.

PALINURUS: (glaring at her) Rough treatment, then; that’s better still!

LEAENA: (turning to the altar) Venus, of the little I have I’ll give you a very, very little, (cautiously pouring out a few drops as a libation) and I hate to do it, too. Why, you get wine from all the lovers when they’re drinking and want your favour; as for me, it’s not often I get such legacies. (drinks)

PALINURUS: Look at that! Swilling it down neat, the nasty pig, maw wide open!

PHAEDROMUS: (after reflection) Well, I’m damned! I don’t know what to tell her first.

PALINURUS: (sourly) That’s what! Tell her what you just told me.

PHAEDROMUS: What is that?

PALINURUS: Tell her you are damned.

PHAEDROMUS: Heaven curse you!

PALINURUS: Tell her!

LEAENA: (blissfully, stopping to take breath) Ah-h!

PALINURUS: Well? You like it, eh?

LEAENA: (smacking her lips) Like it! (drinks again)

PALINURUS: Yes, and wouldn’t I like to take a goad and jab it into you!

PHAEDROMUS: (dangerously) Keep still, or–

PALINURUS: (hastily) Don’t, sir! I will! But just look there! (pointing to Leaena bent backward draining the bowl) The rainbow drinks! By Jove, I believe it’ll rain to-day!

PHAEDROMUS: Shall I tell her now?

PALINURUS: Tell her what?

PHAEDROMUS: That I’m damned.

PALINURUS: Go on, tell her.

PHAEDROMUS: Old lady, listen. I want you to know this–I’m a poor damned wretch.

LEAENA: (finishing the bowl and straightening up) But as for me, I’ve found complete salvation! Why do you want to say you’re damned?

PHAEDROMUS: Because I’m kept from the girl I love. (sobs)

LEAENA: Now, now, Phaedromus dearie, don’t cry. Just you see I don’t get thirsty, and I’ll have the girl you love out here in a jiffy.

PHAEDROMUS: (fervently) You keep your word, and I’ll put you up a statue of vines instead of gold [EXIT Leaena INTO HOUSE ] to commemorate your gullet. Oh, Palinurus, won’t I be the luckiest man on earth, if she trips out here to me?

PALINURUS: Gad, sir, a man in love and out of cash is in a sorry plight.

PHAEDROMUS: That’s not my case, for I’m sure the parasite will arrive to day with money for me.

PALINURUS: You have your hands full, if you wait for what never happens.

PHAEDROMUS: What if I should go up to the door and serenade her?

PALINURUS: Suit yourself, sir; I won’t say no, or yes, either, since I see your character and disposition are so changed.

PHAEDROMUS: (singing) Bolts, ah, bolts, I greet you gladly:

Take my love and hear my plea,
Fairest bolts, ah, favour me.
Change to foreign dancers for me,
Spring, I pray you, spring on high,
Send a wretched man his dear love,
Love that drains his life-blood dry.

Look! they sleep, those bolts most base
Will not budge to do me grace!

(angrily) You care nothing about doing me grace, that’s plain. (listening) Sh-h! Hush, hush!

PALINURUS: (wearily) Lord, Lord! Well, I am hushing.

PHAEDROMUS: I hear a sound! Oh heavens! At last those bolts are favouring me.

(they step back)